[8cd03gro]

Be careful. While punishment and revoking privileges is fine, if you go overboard it will make her end up much, much worse. The kids I know that had overbearing parents in high school are the worst ones now in college. If you don't let them learn on their own (I'm not telling you to just let her do whatever she wants!), they will gain their freedom after high school and go absolutely crazy. You have to find that balance of guidance and punishment while trying to make them understand why you are punishing them. Sit her down and talk to her about why you are so mad. Talk to her about how much trouble she would be in if she were caught and how dangerous it is to be drinking at that age, especially when driving is involved. You may think she already knows this stuff, but she's 17 and doesn't think about it. I don't want to tell you how to raise your kids, but getting other parents involved and trying to get the other kids in trouble is a dangerous game. I can cite multiple examples of girls in situations just like that who let loose their freshman year of college and became drunks who needed abortions.

["prima"Donna]

Sorry for you Scott...I still pray for you and your family every day...
I hope Jackie will see the error of her ways and straighten out before something bad happens...
Tell her I send my regards, for what it's worth...I do care about her...

[Berean]

The time to fix this problem was 10 years ago.

[Toasty]

You can't let what the other parents think about you or your stepdaughter dictate what you do about the situation. I hope you and your wife do have a consensus on how to handle what is going on- if you don't, then it will be hard to levy any kind of punishment. The two of you have every right to do whatever it is you feel necessary to get her attention-and if that involves police or whatever, so be it. (though locking her in a cage is probably a bad idea!) I don't buy the idea that you'll be too hard on her- its out of love that you're concerned about her, not hatred. There were many times growing up that I was thoroughly discusted with my parents and their punishments, but today I am thankful that they did what they did.

[2ndgenz28]

Originally Posted by 9.8m/s/s

so your trying to get your stepdaughter's friends and their parents arrested?

Corruption of a minor is still illegal till 18, which should be extended, as you should have to pass a test to be able to drink. Not just reach a randomly made up number where maturity is assumed good enough.

[KeepItGreasey]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

I really do not know what to do with my 17 year old step-daughter. Caught drinking again. Second time we have caught her, I really hope my wife comes up to bat this time and ground this child till she is 18. I am tired of her just coming and going and doing whatever she wants.

Well this time I found out where the party was and have the police involved. Since I do alot of work for them I am wanting ever kid at this party parents involved. It was at a house and the parents in theory are out of town. I hope they punish this kid or I am going to press charges.

is there any specific trouble that she is getting into, other than just drinking and not being 21?

don't think that "pressing charges" would do any good, unless the parents literally supplied the alcohol for the party. you are responsible for what your child who is <18 does.

[KeepItGreasey]

i never got "in trouble" for drinking... at 16... through my current age of 27. because even at 16, i'd call for a ride home.

[v6sonoma]

Kids will be kids. The hope is they survive long enough to appreciate all you do for them. You just keep doing the right thing and try and protect her from bad decisions. Eventually things will smooth out.

[LostInMoscow]

I don't have any advice for you, but take heart, I started drinking at 15. It never became a problem, and I turned out pretty good. I hardly ever drink now. Hope it turns out the same way for your daughter.

[Treefrog]

Originally Posted by hummerman

My personal experience with this situation is....
My parents were the same as you and all that did was make me hide it better... Now on the other hand my other friends that parents allowed them to drink at home underage turned out to be much more responsible drinkers and had a much closer relationship with there kids and friends.

Calling the police is way over board and has really made her look bad to her friends. Your actions are doing considerable damage to your family. Learn to relax and let her experiment because she going to do it anyway. She not out selling her body or drugs so relax. I would be ashamed of myself for hurting her like that. Big deal she got boned up.

I think you owe her and her friends a really big IM SORRY.

This is my point of view only.

^^ Harsh but spot on.. You won't stop her unless you chain her in the basement and thats only good for what, couple weeks at a time? lol

Seriously though, supporting her would get you soooooo much more. Explain the dangers and tell her you know you can't stop her but you are there for her.. Tell her to call you for a ride home.. NEVER ride w/ drinking friends.. Offer to give her and friends a ride if need be.. Meet her half way and convince her to do the same.. Its the only real way to win.

[FenwickHockey65]

Originally Posted by 8cd03gro

Be careful. While punishment and revoking privileges is fine, if you go overboard it will make her end up much, much worse. The kids I know that had overbearing parents in high school are the worst ones now in college. If you don't let them learn on their own (I'm not telling you to just let her do whatever she wants!), they will gain their freedom after high school and go absolutely crazy.

Bingo.

I have a friend with an incredibly overbearing mother. We'd go to a movie or something and she would call three or four times that night just to check up on her. The minute we went to college, she was out partying and drinking. Luckily she still has a fairly level head on her shoulders so she's never gotten into trouble because of it.

Does your daughter need to be punished? Yes, she does. But you can't go overboard with involving her friends and their families. If you're going to be too overprotective of your kids, they may end up going into a rebellious phase once they're out of your sight.

She just needs to learn from her mistakes. I have another friend who got so drunk at a party that she spent two or three hours throwing up into a toilet. As far as I know, she hasn't touched alcohol since then.

[Russo]

I don't think the problem is alcohol.. sure, she's underage and there are legal issues with that... the problem, is that she is disobeying you (as a legal guardian) and her mother.. disobedience of the parents is something that most of us go through, because our parents didn't listen to our grandparents, and so on, so it was passed down the generations.. on top of trying to fit in, and wanting to attract the opposite sex, teens today are willing to sacrifice anything to be what America calls "cool"... I'm not sure if you guys are spiritual, but to properly deal with the issue, you have to attack it from a spiritual point... many families deal with the symptoms of the issue (like above member mentioned sitting down with her with a case of nasty beer) which never resolve the root issue.. it only makes a temporary impact on the individual... one last thing to remember is that children and teens make mistakes.. encourage your children to do the right thing, be a good example for them.. if you expect your children to stand out from the group, then you yourself must stand out as well...

[SMGSS]

Originally Posted by KeepItGreasey

i never got "in trouble" for drinking... at 16... through my current age of 27. because even at 16, i'd call for a ride home.

Yup, my old man always made it clear. He didn't care if I drank as long as I don't drive, or ride with anyone drunk. He picked me up from parties at 2 am all the time and it never bothered him. I still appreciate it to this day knowing the trouble he possibly saved me from on many occasions. She is going to drink, no matter what you do. All you can do is make sure she does it safely.

[Scott@Bjorn3D]

Well my wife and I have calmed down. We are not going to press charges. The boys parents are going to spoken to by a police officer and told what happened. With the warning if anything involving stuff like this again at their house the parents will be arrested. If the boy is 18 he would be arrested also if it happens again.

I guess this kid is really scared since my recieptionist at the office dated him and talked to her. Yeah don't even go there with having a young girl working her, I did not hire her the owner did.

The boy I guess is a decent football player and this could end any chances of college for him if we pressed charges.