[Berean]

Originally Posted by Camarowguy

You are the one who made a mistake. Then you added this person to Facebook....another mistake. Just put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel? You wouldn't like it either. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you probably aren't telling the whole story and possibly telling it in your favor. Don't worry tho, your human and that's natural. You need to just rethink this situation. You did wrong, plain and simple...you didn't think beforehand if this other person was worth losing your family over...which you did. You need to learn from this. Let her go. Visit with your children and move on with your life. Just next time thing before you act. I'm not condemning you, just shooting straight. Always always do this before you even consider infidelity:
- think is this chick worth losing my family and my way of life
- would I want my wife/girlfriend doing this to me?
Those two questions will keep you out of trouble if you live by them. I do.

While marriage may get boring sometimes, and you may think it's fun and exciting to fling around with someone new....in the big picture...it's not worth it. Good luck to you. And remember, let her go...don't bug her...act normal when your around her. Do nOt ask her back. Be nice. Don't act interested in her anymore. You might get lucky and her give you another chance. (don't screw it up if she does) don't apologize anymore, that brings hard feelings. This advice I'm giving you really does work.

Exactly right.

[JasonK]

Hang in there man. Those two kids need you to be their dad. Be the best Dad you can be.

[PQ]

I had marked several longer posts to quote and add to but you have some pretty good advice in here.

hrpiii is my favorite. Give it time. Don't try for anything. If years go by and she wants to try it again then it's up to you. But you'll be plenty over it by then.

Oh, and 'Emotional Affair' is a new term to me. Good way to put it. It most certainly is relevant. I could MUCH more easily get over my wife having a stupid party foul meaninless affair than a more involved one. So you are the initial vilain. And an absolute FOOL for 'Fessing up'. What good could come from that? Sometimes the term 'What she/he don't know won't hurt them' can be legitimate. (NOT premeditatively and cheap)

And then for you to continue a line of ANY type of comunication was just stupid. Your wife was done as soon as that agreement was made. Her attempts were unintentionaly half hearted after that.

Do right by your kids and let it go.

Oh, and you tears are just pathetic to her. So stop that.

[Tessa]

You know I admit - I posted before I read everything -- so I never got to the bit about her BS -- still, you started it. She was retaliating -- and maybe she was more pissed off by what you did b/c she was doing the same thing and felt guilty -- who knows.
But honeslty, if you felt low enough about her to have that affair, then you stopped truly loving her a long time ago -- there is a difference between caring about someone and truly loving them. You can care and not be in love, you do not have to be in love to care.

Her doing the same thing to you is just as wrong, IMO. Even after everything I went through, though I would have had the perfect excuse to do the same to my ex - I would never have done that b/c I'm not that person. When I love someone, I make a promise, and I do not break my promises that easily. So her turning around and giving you a dose of your own medicine was bullshit and wrong.

If she's that vindictive, then it's better you are where you are.

[navyblue2000]

I still love her and the tears stopped last week. We all make mistakes. I didn't think "lowly" of her, I just did something really stupid.


it is possible to get a padlock on this thing now? I think it's run its course. I'm certainly glad for all the advice. Some of it is new, some is reinforcement!

[bob vogel]

Originally Posted by evan

I feel for ya man, I really do... Heart breaking women, they're everywhere!
I'm not trying to make light of your situation...

I am concluding the finishing touches of a divorce(literally this month). She was cheating on me, admitted to it, her father told me about it as well, then several months later she changed the story to "i never cheated on you, you pressured me to tell you" which wasnt the case considering the first time I asked her about it was even the first time I hinted at it, she fessed up. Women confuse the crap out of me. Me being in the Navy and the fact that military members give up so many rights when they marry because of the countless dead-beats that caused these modern rules to be written in blood only made it worse.

I didn't have any kids with her, but I loved the little girls she had, it really sucked having to give that all up.

Time always helps heal things, as cliche as that sounds... My personal advice to you is to be as positive as possible. I started working out like a machine when my relationship went down hil, then I bought my camaro and that became my new love. Focusing on new things, especially constructive things, will help.

Another thing that helped me was never asking why (even though I REALLY wanted to) and never doing my best to wonder why. Pointing the finger at her or yourself will not find you an answer or a conclusion that will comfort you either, that will only cause hours of lost sleep, and stress on your body that will shorten youre life-span for sure...

GL man...

+1 words very well said. if you see the glass as hafe full you'll be fine.

[usa1camaro1969]

Wife accused me for years of screwing around. It turned out she was the one that moved in with another guy while I was deployed and telling my 16-yr old daughter to not say anything or I'd take her away from her mom. I found out when I came back. The whole time she was draining our accounts.
My kid and I now have a great relationship and respects me. Her mom is still trying to buy her respect and love back.
If they're accusing you of something you aren't doing it's time to see what they're doing. They're usually trying to justify their actions. Because they're a whore doesn't mean you had to be one.
You had a lot to do with what blew up in your face. My advice is a lot what others have said. Be there for your kids. Don't grill the kids about mom. Don't use the kids against mom. Don't be a wuss. By that, I mean if she's asking you to do something for her that you wouldn't normally do for someone you aren't emotionally involved with, don't do it. You may still be emotionally involved. She's not. She may try to see just what she can get you to still do.

And her "friend" she just had to say "Hi" to at midnight is more than just a friend.

Good luck. My marriage lasted 17-years. The plus is I found a gorgeous woman a couple years later and we have a great relationship still 3-years later.

[PQ]

Originally Posted by navyblue2000

I still love her and the tears stopped last week. We all make mistakes. I didn't think "lowly" of her, I just did something really stupid.


it is possible to get a padlock on this thing now? I think it's run its course. I'm certainly glad for all the advice. Some of it is new, some is reinforcement!

You'll be fine. Don't look for another either. SHE will find YOU. And love this one. You can't love someone and persue that type emotional connection with another.

Originally Posted by usa1camaro1969

Wife accused me for years of screwing around. It turned out she was the one that moved in with another guy while I was deployed and telling my 16-yr old daughter to not say anything or I'd take her away from her mom. I found out when I came back. The whole time she was draining our accounts.
My kid and I now have a great relationship and respects me. Her mom is still trying to buy her respect and love back.
If they're accusing you of something you aren't doing it's time to see what they're doing. They're usually trying to justify their actions. Because they're a whore doesn't mean you had to be one.
You had a lot to do with what blew up in your face. My advice is a lot what others have said. Be there for your kids. Don't grill the kids about mom. Don't use the kids against mom. Don't be a wuss. By that, I mean if she's asking you to do something for her that you wouldn't normally do for someone you aren't emotionally involved with, don't do it. You may still be emotionally involved. She's not. She may try to see just what she can get you to still do.

And her "friend" she just had to say "Hi" to at midnight is more than just a friend.

Good luck. My marriage lasted 17-years. The plus is I found a gorgeous woman a couple years later and we have a great relationship still 3-years later.

I went throught the same thing while deployed to Iraq the first time back in 91'. My ex-wife 'moved on' while I was gone and I was BROKE when I came back.

Difference is my daughter was 2 at the time. She's 22 now and I haven't seen her since she was 2. her mother was young and crazy and didn't make it easy to see my daughter. Got remarried and moved on. And so did I.

[Berean]

Originally Posted by PQ

I went throught the same thing while deployed to Iraq the first time back in 91'. My ex-wife 'moved on' while I was gone and I was BROKE when I came back.

Difference is my daughter was 2 at the time. She's 22 now and I haven't seen her since she was 2. her mother was young and crazy and didn't make it easy to see my daughter. Got remarried and moved on. And so did I.

Sorry to hear that man. I know exactly how military life destroys marriages and families. I went to Saudi in '91 myself. My marriage survived but it was definitely hard on my wife being pregnant and also having a baby less than a year old at home. My kids are in college now.

I got out in '93 specifically because of the hardships military life imposes on families. Not many people truly understand unless they have lived that life. I knew far too many people personally with the same story as yours, some of them good friends. I feel for all the military families and what they have to endure.

[PQ]

Originally Posted by Berean

Sorry to hear that man. I know exactly how military life destroys marriages and families. I went to Saudi in '91 myself. My marriage survived but it was definitely hard on my wife being pregnant and also having a baby less than a year old at home. My kids are in college now.

I got out in '93 specifically because of the hardships military life imposes on families. Not many people truly understand unless they have lived that life. I knew far too many people personally with the same story as yours, some of them good friends. I feel for all the military families and what they have to endure.

I really couldnt believe it was happening to me.

BUT, it was the the benchmark time for me learning that you get over things and move on. Nothing is the end of the world.

I've never taken a step backward in life to this point and stayed. Every problem has always led to better things.

[BLcamaro10]

was you wanting another kid? why go off the pill? is the girl yours,might get that checked out.i know you didnt like that ?? but i had a friend that happend to.she will figure it out when your done with her.time is good and bad in these cases.just live life and make you and the kids happy......im glad my ex cheated on me b/c now i have the best woman in the world.

[2001ragtop]

When you find the right one, you won't care about facebook and you also won't want to contact anyone from your past, and you won't want them contacting you either.

I would use this time to regroup and focus on having a peaceful life with low levels of stress.

adios

[TOMS1SS]

Wow, this thread defines as plain as day every single solitary reason I never got married and never had kids.

[Tessa]

Originally Posted by TOMS1SS

Wow, this thread defines as plain as day every single solitary reason I never got married and never had kids.

Very valid.

But marraige can be the best thing ever - as long as you find the right 'one'.

I guess too many of us have been in the wrong boat.