....other than camaro thoughts....

[RuffEL]

the mindset im in right now i dont really care what sense this makes to anyone....yet i know any other marine here will understand.......

today as me and my boss and a vietnam vet marine parted ways after drinkin beer and talkin cars, my boss (whom i cherish as a brother) said some not so subtle words, along the lines of id be lucky to see him tomorrow (i wont repeat them ver batum). i stopped him and told him to wait for me to get my stuff and to follow me to my appt (he had just been put out of the house by the ole lady).....he left before i could get back..........and i drove all over schertz like a madman lookin for him...to no avail......and all i can think of is not being able to help a brother in arms ( granted he is a civilian and im a jarhead, but weve been through some shit together)....and i hate to say it, but i felt the same emptiness of not being able to do SHIT afterwards that i felt after being shelled and worrying about where they landed in iraq and concerned about my 'actual' brothers in arms.......so, naturally, thoughts of despair crept their way into my head, slowly yet deliberatly..and i remember that there is no place in civilian life that can understand the torment ive experienced overseas and home (being that i cant vent my head).....it makes my head spin with dementia and fantastic mentalities that i do not want in my head....its caused me to think terrible thoughts, which i havnt felt since id returned from overseas, and i have not but cleaned my pistol and rilfe since, and think about life-----without me.....again


i dont care for comments, or calls.......i just hope (and pray) he didnt do anything drastic, then i can temporarily lay my concerns to rest....and pray god has better things in store for me than currently......even though my car occupies most of my time, it is not a substitute for the emotions im needing repaired.

[RuffEL]

admin please lock this thread aswell...