[Ambitious09]

My ex just got proposed to tonight and she said yes to the dude but now she's rethinking it after we talked.

I was driving home from work when I got a text from her asking can I talk. That's whem she told me dude proposed to her.

We had been friends for two years before we started dating top of last year and were together 11 months before things went sour. She's 24 and I'm 21. She had a kid her freshmen year of college, moved back in with her family, and took time off because of her daughter. Her little girl is turning 3 this month. The reason we broke up was because of something stupid, I see that now.

She kept talking of going to UT Martian for school because she's in school to be a nurse, but we talked about waiting until I was able to transfer. In november it got brought up again and I told her I wasn't going to be able to go if she went, she was already accepted. She asked why and I told her I still had some things here to take care of and money. Thats when things got crazy. She kept asking what I meant... I had 13k saved up towards a camaro and she knew that.

I'm in school on scholarships and I wanted to reward myself for the hard work. I ended up not getting the car because I had no credit and put 4k down on a Cobalt that cost 7k. Still had plenty of money to move in with her.

I never thought something like this would happen because of everything we shared together. We're still friends now and the guy she's thinking about marrying didn't even come see her daughter when she was in the hospital, but I called in sick to work and drove from here to be there.

What do I do?

[Ronn]

Are you asking if you should take your money and move in with her instead of buying the camaro?

["prima"Donna]

Run for your life!!!...not trying to make you feel worse, however you are only 21...you have your whole life ahead of you...don't get tied down so young, especially to someone that already has a child at such a young age...
Get out there and meet and date a lot of different girls so that when you are ready to settle down, you will know when you have met 'the one' because you will have seen what's out there, and as you get older and more mature, the things you thought you couldn't live without at 21 will change as you grow older and more mature...
I know where I am coming from on this...my husband and I started dating at 18, and thought we would get married in a few years...
About a year later, he decided that we should date other people...I was crushed and totally heartbroken at the time...
We never broke up during that time, but we did date others for a few years...
After meeting and dating a lot of other people, we finally realized that no one else made us as happy as each other...
We dated for 7 years and finally knew we were ready to get engaged and then married...
If we had gotten married when we first started dating, we might have gotten married and always wondered if there might be someone else out there that was better...
Since we both had dated others, we had the answer to that question --- no one else was better!!!..
BTW, we bought the Camaro for each other last year to celebrate 30 yrs of marriage!!!...
I won't say that all that time it was only love and bliss...marriage is a joint effort and you both need to be flexible enough to love and respect each other to compromise at times...
I have a son your age that is desperate to find 'the one', and I keep telling him that the right person will come along when she is supposed to, and in the meantime, you guys are young and have your whole lives ahead of you to be with that someone special, so go out there and enjoy your youth, it goes by waaaaaay faster than you can blink your eyes...
Be smart, get financially and emotionally secure, and when the time is right, you will find 'the one'...
I know this is a very long, and maybe boring, post, but I am just trying to give you the best advice I have from many years of experience...
Enjoy yourself, and if this girl is 'meant to be', she will come back...if not, better to find out now than later on when you are married with kids...
Good luck to you and please let me know how this all turns out...
I wish for the best for you young man...

[Ambitious09]

I'm looking for advice period...

She's rethinking her answer to dude. I told her I still loved her and that all the fights that we had were stupid and that everyone has them from time to time.

I asked her how is she going to think about marrying someone who she says acts uneasy around her daughter and when she ended up in the hospital he had all kinds of excuses and she got quiet. I asked her how she's even considering it when he got a little upset she couldn't find a babysitter for her girl so they could go out.

The whole time we were together I didn't mind going over and watching a dvd or listening to a cd and talking. I don't know what she sees in dude. I just want to jump through the phone and tell her she's crazy for having to think.

[Ronn]

Anyways I'm going to bed shortly but if you're asking about camaro or girl.... get the camaro and start driving like donna said. She's not ready for anything serious now, live your life. What's gonna happen will happen.

[OUR72GTO]

The couples I knew that fought before they got married ...

fought after they got married.

Most are no longer married.

The rest you do not want to spend time with.

[67 Convertible]

Soooo, you broke up in Nov.-Dec. of 2009, and 5-6 months later, she accepts a proposal of marriage from another guy? She already has a 3 year old child, and is already engaged to someone else that she's dated for only 5-6 months (and now not sure if she should have accepted his proposal)? I have to question her judgement. Too much drama here and lots of baggage for a 21 year old. My advice is to forget about her and move on.

[Mindz]

Sounds like she's desperate for security and wants to be married just to have a "family". I would say tell her to back out with this new guy if she doesn't feel 100%.

You didn't ask if you should get with her so I won't discuss that.

[dcoates]

Trust me on this,
Just because you love someone, isn't a reason to get married.
enjoy your youth, if she's with you thats cool, if she's just looking to get married right now, it's probably a security thing, and marriage is not the answer to that.

[Dave Coyle]

If it were me, first off I would tell her NOT to marry this "other"dude. It sounds like he really doesn't want to have to "deal" with her daughter which really throws up a RED FLAG, too many times you here of the "boyfriend" abusing the girls kids in one way or another and this sounds like this will happen over time with him. Second, she does sound like she is desperate to get marrid and you don't say if the father of the child is still involve with them or not so I would NOT move in with her. You can stay "friends" with her until you are a little older and are sure that "this is the one" for you but remember, you get the whole package and you will need to be a father and a husband. Give yourself time to get your finances in order because money issues also add stress to a relationship. Good luck.

[Ambitious09]

Originally Posted by Dave Coyle

If it were me, first off I would tell her NOT to marry this "other"dude. It sounds like he really doesn't want to have to "deal" with her daughter which really throws up a RED FLAG, too many times you here of the "boyfriend" abusing the girls kids in one way or another and this sounds like this will happen over time with him. Second, she does sound like she is desperate to get marrid and you don't say if the father of the child is still involve with them or not so I would NOT move in with her. You can stay "friends" with her until you are a little older and are sure that "this is the one" for you but remember, you get the whole package and you will need to be a father and a husband. Give yourself time to get your finances in order because money issues also add stress to a relationship. Good luck.

The guy is someone she's known almost as long as me but yeah I think some of you are right it's a security thing because her daughter's father has been MIA. Dude couldn't handle the idea of being a father and once she found out he was doing drugs she stopped letting him see her and moved in with her family.

She's a little clingy and I think that's the problem, her having a kid, because I'd notice it when we were out. Somebody would be eyeballing her and when they saw her daughter they'd look off quick or ask was it her sister.

I don't like the guy that popped the question for two reasons 1. he acts like the kid is a issue, cracked daddy jokes on me constantly when my ex wasn't around. 2. I'm a little jealous because he just got moved up as a bank manager(35k) and has steady income while I still punch the clock at work(17k), but I budget my money well.

Far as the father and husband thing... I was there a lot more than this clown was. Helped her with the pampers, wipes, baby food, and ect. When we were together last year I took her to the park with me and blowed bubbles and played with her while we had our picnic. When I took her horseback riding on the trails at the park I got one of my friends to watch her girl for the day. She got in that wreck comming home from work, I left work to go with her to the hospital.

I don't know what more I can do, I think it's obvious not to marry him, we talked on the phone almost everyday and in between the time we text

[OUR72GTO]

Sounds like a case for Nancy Grace............Tot Mom 2.

[2000v6]

Seeing as how I'm roughly about the same age as you, I'll explain it hopefully better then the older people on here.

Seeing as how her daughter is three and she is a single mom, I mean that just needs to be tough on her. So she's probably thinking in terms of what will be best for my daughter down the road, and that's more than likely why she accepted. Unfortunately, seeing as how she's thinking about the stable income right now, she might not be thinking well what will happen when the moron looses his job or will not want to have anything to do with her daughter and may even start abusing the daughter later on. I mean that dude seems young too from what you're saying and he may end up blaming the daughter if he somehow manages to screw his life over down the road.

But then there is also problem b - and that's you. You're probably thinking what the hell am I talking about. But the fact that you just told her that you love her and want to move in with her, the girl in question may decide that she wants to spend her life with you instead. And at 21(?), that's a LONG time, and you need to understand that if that's what happens you are getting the whole package. Not only will you need to be the boyfriend/husband but you will also need to be the father and caretaker of the family.

[TwoEcho]

While I agree with everything stated thus far, Do not let anyone tell you that marriage at 21 is doomed to failure. My wife and I married when I was 21 and she was 25. We have been married for 16 years now. Granted, the marriage was not always a picnic, but marriage isn't supposed to be. You have to make the decision. If you feel you are truly ready to settle down and spend the rest of your life with this one girl, do it.